Worst Movie Ever? Possibly

DRAGONBALL EVOLUTION
NOT MY ART!!!!!!!!!

As I'm sure many of you know Dragonball and Dragonball Z were very popular manga/anime series in the days of old. You may also know that soon the American live-action feature film will be released (I say American because other countries have made live-action abominations of it, but trust me you do not wish to see).

Now I know I use this blog to showcase my art and to update current projects but for some reason I feel compelled to make popular culture commentary. Now, is my opinion one that should be held in high regard? Are my views so eye-opening that anyone who reads this will regard my comments as genius?.... HELL NO. However, I do wish to express my opinion, as this is my blog I want to add a bit of personal flare and insight into my tastes. It isn't like this is the first time I've done this as awhile back I told everyone of how much I loved Iron Man.

Now can I say for certainty this movie is bad or good? No I can not for I haven't seen it, and no one can say it is or isn't because THEY HAVE NOT SEEN IT. All I can do is comment on what I have seen and thus I will.

Now considering the ridiculous nature of Dragonball I know that somethings have to be changed for a transition from anime to film. Such as what villain to use, Raditz, Piccolo, Vegeta? Also what side characters should there be, because lets face it Dragonball was not the best written thing ever and it's secondary cast of characters, while enjoyable were about as useful to the plot as a fork is to eating soup. So I understand story may change and am willing to accept it, sometimes directors and screen writers want to tell a different story with their own ideals, which can be good. I recently was talking to my friend about the Silent Hill movie. While it butchered the original plot in many horrible pyramid head-like raping ways, I thought it was still a good movie, and by far the best video game movie I have seen.

But i digress. My point being that I can understand changes. However, this movie doesn't seem to change the story so much as tie it in a bag beat it with sticks and throw it into the Pacific. Lets examine the cliche and complete lack of creativity this movie has to offer just within its promotion. First of all the title. Dragonball was the original title and then when Goku grew up it became Dragonball Z. So if he's a kid in the film you call it Dragonball if he is an adult in the movie you call it DBZ, seems to make sense. Well in the movie our hero is an... angsty teen.... huh? Like every other f'ing movie the hero has to be a teen cause otherwise no one will relate to him. So the title of this film Dragonball Evolution. Are you serious? What the hell is it with movie makers who think it's a good idea to attach cool words like evolution, do they think that unless it sounds unnecessarily epic we won't care? Here is an idea call it fucking Dragonball we will get the damn concept.

Ok, well Goku is a teen, well this may be a change but perhaps he will keep that obliviously sweet and innocent nature he has that made him such a cute kid and terrible father. Seeing the latest preview no..... he is that poor kid who gets picked on by bullies (probably cause of his hair) but then finds his true power and can now fight back. How original, not like Transformers, Forbidden Kingdom, or any other recent movie. So, no, Goku does not even have the same in personality.

Well then his powers they are the same right, he was an alien child with a monkey tail who when the moon was full turned into a giant gorilla. And through years of training he learns to hone his great power and shoots energy blasts. NO he has no damn tail, he hasn't trained for years, and he has telekinesis. WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT? Telekinesis that's not even close to anything like Goku at all. I mean so far the only similarities to this and the original is that he has spiky hair but even that looks like shit? No one has hair that looks that stupid even the anime character's hair wasn't that bad.

Also look at the poster I added, EVEN THE POSTERS ARE SHIT. Look at it, if the damn ball is giving off the light why is there no light under his eyebrow? And why is there a cast shadow on his neck? If the light from the ball was that damn bright his whole face would be washed out. It's obvious that all they did, was have him stand there with a light far off to his side and take a picture. Then they put a crappy background around him, horribly Photoshop the plastic mass that is his hair, and then some jerk got way too happy with the damn lens flare filter. In case you didn't know that is possibly the cheesiest filter in all of digital imagery, so here's a hint DON"T USE IT.

I could rant more about what I've seen like how Piccolo looks, the fact Master Roshi isn't bald or a silly pervert, or the renditions of any of the secondary cast, but I will leave it there.

Sorry I do not mean to sound pretentious, I just see a car wreck happening in front of me that's about to kill my childhood and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I know Dragonball was not the best thing written in fact at times it was pretty terrible, but either way it deserved better than the raping it seems to have received. If you are going to take someone's intellectual property and make it into a movie at least show it a little bit of respect.

Now will I go see this film? Definitely. I can't say something is bad without seeing it, that would make me a douche. After all it is a small piece of my childhood. If nothing else my low expectations for this will only help the movie pleasantly surprise me when I see it. I can hope for the best but I doubt it.

That's all for now. I feel much better after that nice long rant.

P.S. there is a rumor on a website that apparently the sequel has already been green lit..... God help us all.